Dear Annie: My best friend abandoned me on a girls trip

Dear Annie: I went on a 10-day girls trip with five other women, including my best friend. By the third day, I realized I was being singled out for having different opinions and struggling to keep up physically. I have lung disease, but these women (all older with their own limitations) dismissed it as something an inhaler could fix.

We had agreed to stay in pairs for safety, yet I was left alone at the Airbnb when I needed to rest due to swollen legs. They said they’d send someone back for me, but that never happened.

A different time, they told me to wait outside in 30-degree rain for a cab that never came. I had no working cell service (only text). I was stranded in a foreign country, unfamiliar with the area and scared. I managed to find food and returned to the Airbnb, where the group arrived back hours later.

My best friend made excuses for their behavior but later apologized when I broke down. She suggested a “clean slate,” but nothing changed; I was still expected to keep up, stay silent and follow along.

By the end, I confronted my best friend, who refused to take sides (though I never asked her to). I now feel she may ultimately choose them over me, and I feel deeply hurt.

I don’t want sides. I just feel lost. Any advice? — Feeling Left Out

Dear Feeling Left Out: It’s understandable that you feel hurt — not just by the group, but especially by your best friend. You were vulnerable, and instead of receiving compassion, you were dismissed and left to fend for yourself in a foreign country.

Group dynamics can sometimes bring out the worst in people, and it sounds like your best friend may have felt pressured to go along with the others, even if deep down she knew it was wrong. Her apology suggests she recognized the hurt she caused, but for whatever reason, she struggled to stand up for you in the moment. That doesn’t excuse her actions, but it could help you understand them.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean deciding what you want from this friendship moving forward. If she is genuinely sorry and willing to have an honest conversation, there may be a path to still being friends. If she continues to prioritize the group over your friendship, then you may need to step back for your own peace of mind.

Most importantly, don’t let this experience make you feel unworthy of love and kindness. True friends will lift you up, not leave you behind.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.