DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and I have a gentle disagreement about the host’s responsibility at a dinner party or holiday table. As a host, I look for opportunities to foster conversations that might involve everyone around the table. Otherwise, couples or friends will begin their own discussions. This makes it less fun for all, especially for the quiet individuals who don’t engage in conversation with their neighbors.
At one such dinner, my son whispered to me, “You’re being manipulative!” I said yes, I am doing my host duties. Help us settle this, please!
GENTLE READER: You win.
The late, great sociologist, David Riesman, once told Miss Manners that he had preceded her in the etiquette business, citing his observation of the manners of fellow academics when acting as hosts.
They apparently shared your son’s fear of being manipulative. Therefore, they performed no introductions, provided no seating plan and certainly did not attempt to check that everyone was included in conversations.
The result, Riesman said, was perfectly terrible parties, where people talked only with those in their own departments, whom they had seen all day — or those with whom they had arrived, and would see all night.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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